What Happens Tomorrow?

"If the structure does not permit dialogue, then the structure must be changed.

True generosity consists precisely in fighting to destroy the causes which nourish false charity. False charity constrains the fearful and subdued, the "rejects of life," to extend their trembling hands. True generosity lies in striving so that these hands--whether of individuals or entire peoples--need be extended less and less in supplication, so that more and more they become human hands which work and, working, transform the world.” 

--Paulo Freire 

I'll start this off by saying that I love y'all.  From the most moisturized strand of my curly fro, to the sole of my freshly-pedicured feet... You have my heart. If you've made your way to this blog, it's because you've found me through a loved one, or are a loved one yourself. I don't got no advertisers! So for that journey, I truly gotta say, Love to you! 

Because I love you... I want to say something.  And if you feel so moved, I want you to respond. Either in a comment, or a tweet (@CandyCornball), or a text message, or an e-mail. I want to know what you think.

I wrote last year about the difference between doing good and being good. I stand by my words. 

One of my favorite Bloggers/writers/Tweeters @FeministaJones helped me to find the language to express the core of my conflict #onToday. Here are a few tweets:

"I've worked in the non-profit sector for over a decade and we have to turn people [volunteers] away on holidays. We offer other days and they decline.

If you want to give, give not just on holidays and don't be mad b/c you're turned away due to overwhelming demand for volunteer space

I've experienced people become outright indignant when told they can't serve food b/c we have no more need for volunteers

When we've asked them to come back in January or February, folks were like "Nah, we good". :-| "

If you follow @FeministaJones , you'll know that her entire life is committed to justice and subverting the world order. She is an empowering and radiant glow of warmth in an otherwise cold world. As a Sex-Positive Feminist Social Worker, this woman dedicates her Twitter space to sharing an affirming word and links to helpful blogs for survivors and their friends, with humor intertwined throughout.

I'm not mad at her for very clearly spending time with her friends and loved ones today. I don't think that takes away from her commitment to service and making this world a better place on 364 other days of the year.

It has been documented that social media can make us jealous of our peers, alter our perception and expression of reality, and create opportunities for tension in relationships. That's not really Facebook's Fault. It's also not Twitter's doing. Nor is it Instagram's problem. It's us.

I would argue that especially during the holiday season, social media makes us, you know, the ones who consider ourselves "socially conscious" feel awkward. Like no matter what we do, we still need to do more. Like we ain't really bout this social justice life. Like it's wrong for us to be sitting up here with our #EatingPants (the ones with elastic) and stuffing our faces with monkey bread and collard greens...

Or maybe that's just me.

I'll use myself as a very transparent example.

This past week, 3 separate people, from COMPLETELY different social circles asked me what I was doing for Thanksgiving. When I said "my parents house", they said "Oh. But like are you going to a soup kitchen or something?"

It's not a party, y'all.

The above words from Uncle Paulo Freire sum it up best. False charity is that which depends upon the continued disenfranchisement of its beneficiaries. Freire isn't asking that we make folks "get an honest job" and stop begging. In fact, his call isn't even directed at the recipients of charity. It's directed at those who "serve". Those who pour mac and cheese. Those who collect the shoes. The question he asks is really, "What have you done to make sure that equity finds its way to EVERYONE?" As someone who often feels politically and philosophically lonely, I will only say this... I think it's pretty convenient for us to be distracted by "feel good" activities when there are very real attacks on the Poor and otherwise marginalized on every other day. It makes sense to give poor folks food. But what do we do for the sons and daughters of undocumented immigrants who want to go to college? What do we do for gay and lesbian folks who have been convinced that the only times they're wanted or valued is for fashion advice or musical performances? What do we do for Black high school students who can name more school safety agents than college guidance counselors? Is not every Service equally worthy? Why focus on feeding folks #onToday when people also have other very real, very fixable, very actionable needs? I'm just vocalizing my wonderings doe..

I'm still defining "service" for myself. I'm not exactly sure how to define it in neat words, I'm not there yet. 

But here's what it's not. 

It is NOT pictures on social media feeds with only YOU smiling, and your recipients somewhere lost in the focus of the photo.
It is NOT a chance to "Feel good" and "Give back". (If I had time in this post, I would really share my thoughts on the phrase "give back"... but I'm trying to keep my posts tight)
It is NOT a chance to pressure others into doing Service as you imagine it.

To me, service is Ms. Zelma. She donates her time on Saturdays and during her summers to share the message of Love's way of making Social Change with young people. She can be found researching history sites in Brooklyn to bring our students on trips. She was also the one to encourage our Tech Crew at Concord to train a young high schooler to operate the screen. Now, this young lady has a "Thing" that keeps her happy and makes her feel cool.

To me, service is Shahara. She always took me out as a child (and even as an adult). As a child, I did not understand why some lady thought I was important enough to take to an India.Arie concert. But I will always remember how special I felt to have someone like her think that I was important. Especially during awkward years of middle school high school college now. She can be found leading a group of children in a game of "Land, Sea" wherever, WHENEVER. She is what you'd call a True Educator.

To me, service is Mr. Bob. Mr. Bob (or grandpa, as he is known to the kids at our church) is an excellent cook. He shares his gifts with our youth programs, and the children and staff are ever grateful for his love. He can whip up a chicken salad with only three peanuts and a stalk of celery. Okay, I'm exaggerating, but he does the daggon thing. He is also an awesome photographer. He sends photographs of Brooklyn to students in college to keep their spirits light and remind them of why they study. You might even luck up and find some green paper in there. Hey!

I suppose my understanding of service is different. I think service makes sense when it is dependent upon a relationship. I've always felt uncomfortable with soup kitchens and clothing drives because I struggle in articulating what I would prefer the alternative to be. Folks get offended when you don't want to do the things they do. That's not the intent. Hear me.

We need coats. And homies need food. And it's important to have these initiatives rolling. I fear for what our world would look like without the Holiday Volunteers. But as my sister Feminista said earlier, in all her social work experience, it has been a BLOW trying to find volunteers in the off-peak season. 

My college had a Community Service Day Initiative, called "Do It Day". Most folks on campus were encouraged to participate in some sort of community service project in Hartford, one of the poorest cities in one of the richest states in America. During most days of the year, you'll hear of students being "afraid to cross Broad street" for fear of getting robbed or beaten up. Folks call the cab to go to the grocery store only 10 minutes away walking. But Do It Day was a THING. It seemed like everyone was going. Like somehow the city became less scary when you went to go "fix it".

One year, I decided to participate. We were helping a church operate their Family Fun Day. I felt super weird, because had I not worn that bright-blue t-shirt, emblazoned with the name of Trinity on the back, I would have felt more comfortable sitting with the seniors playing dominos. Y'all know I love Black Church folk. But somehow, I allowed my identity as a "volunteer" to supersede my identity as fellow-Red-Punch-Lover. Or Fellow-Alto-Who-Hates-When-The-Sopranos-Think-They're-Cooler-Than-Us. Or Fellow-Pastors'-Kid. I felt like I was supposed to be there and not supposed to be there at the same time.

Then, God spoke to me through the body of an older man, somebody's Deacon. I overheard a Hartford resident say to one of us, in our super cool Do-It-Day T-shirts, five words that chilled me to a point that I vowed never to do something like this again. He simply said "See you guys next year". Can you imagine what folks feel like in these circumstances? I want to believe that he was being genuine. I want to believe that he actually wanted to see us next year. But what did he think we would be doing for the next 364 days of the year? Did he think we didn't care enough to visit without our bright blue t-shirts? Cuz that's what we proved...

I've never had to shop for my work uniform from the church clothing exchange. I've never had to wait in a Thanksgiving line for food. And I can't even pretend to imagine what it may feel like to be in that position. But from where I'm sitting, I would think that folks who are on that end of the table feel forgotten during the rest of the year, and taken advantage of during the holidays. And the feeling of being "forgotten" probably hurts 364 times more than one day of being remembered.

I'm not asking you to stop serving at soup kitchens. I'm not asking you to stop donating shoes. I'm just asking you help ME and the rest of us commit to the greater good during the entire year. I'm all here for walking and chewing gum at the same time. It's totally possible to participate in simple service initiatives AND ask that our representatives keep the most vulnerable of us safe. We need EVERY hand. EVERY where. EVERY day.

We all need help doing this the right way. I asked around and here are some solutions I found from trusted friends and websites. Otherwise, all this service excuses the fact that there are very real reasons and Forces that create a city in which Soup Kitchens and Shelters are a necessity.

What You Can Do:

• Get involved in your local community via block associations. These groups do great work to ensure to bring service projects to a more local level.
• Advocate for fair housing projects in your own community.
• If you're volunteering at a shelter or a clothing drive, put the phone away. Sit with someone you're serving. Break bread and share your story. Maybe they'll share theirs. You'll walk away with more information and convincing first hand evidence of how the system has failed people.
• Get connected with a mentoring program. It is much easier to build strong [children] than to repair broken [adults]. You may not think you're hot stuff, but to a child, your obsession with nail polish or anime might be the difference.
• Smile. This world needs happier people.
• Read this link. It did a better job of providing data than I could. 
• Use this. Pressure your local representatives to fight for the restoration of SNAP benefits to their full utility. On November 1, SNAP benefits were reduced for all participating families. It is expected that soup kitchens will serve more people now that benefits have been cut, but the supply of daily soup kitchens have not kept up with the demand.